oh siblings, where art thou?

Grandma and Grandpa McCullough took the 4 oldest children to the Chemainus Theatre today to see 'Snow White', leaving Nya home alone with me. I planned a busy, but quiet, afternoon. I scheduled the carpets to be cleaned and thought I would begin to calendar the fall semester for home school. This all would have worked out beautifully, except for the fact that I couldn't put Nya down for her nap because the cleaners were here. So instead I ended up chasing a turkey around the house and backyard. A turkey who almost doesn't know what to do with herself without all her built-ins. It struck me this afternoon just how much she (and I) depend on them. Nya wants to be pushed on her bike. Nya wants up on the trampoline. Nya needs this. Nya needs that. And for the most part I don't do these things. The other children do. Nya knows no other way of life. She has never been without them. I on the other hand have become accustom to the extra help that is offered by the older children, and I gladly except it. I am grateful for their love and care for each other. I use to be the 1 who would push the swings, pull the wagons and piggy back babes, but I have been replaced with much younger and much more exciting models. Does this make me a terrible mom?, maybe. But since my children want to be with each other I figure I must be doing something right. And since my kids are okay with that, then so am I. I am still the 1 who provides comfort, protection and love. I know this because they want me at the first sign of fear or pain or simply when they need to talk or be hugged. But for fun they know that is found with their built-in-friends. So when people ask me if 5 is a lot of work. I can say that yes it is but so is 1, just in a very different way.

where i fear to tread

I can take my children almost anywhere. I go to Superstore without fear! We brave Walmart, the video rental store, the post office, Michael's, Home Sense and even, but with a little more coaching and trepidation, we frequent the public library - Shhhh! I have realized that they will, and they do learn how to behave. I leave feeling worn out sometimes, but on the whole, and probably because I have learned that the time bomb is ticking - I go in, I grab, I get out, and we most often have success! Having everyone use the washroom and making sure that they are feed and hydrated helps a big whole bunch.
But there is 1 place where it really doesn't matter how much prep work I do it is always a flop.
The fabric store.
I do not know what happens when we enter those doors. I do not know if it is the overwhelming temptation of all those hiding places, the plentiful colors to distract or little buttons, patches, threads spools and sequins to touch. It could be that they have my blood and see the possibilities of all that fabric and the excitement is too much. It could be that they somehow know that mom needs to think, she needs to think REALLY HARD. At other places I am certainly careful with what I spend money on but I pretty much buy without commitment knowing that if I get home and change my mind I can always return without worry. But at the fabric store once those scissors are out the deal is done, like it or not! They will be no returns, no refunds, and therefore my choices take extra certainty on my part. Did I ever mention that I am quite indecisive. Well maybe I'm not so bad. No, really I am. Could it be that at other places there are lots of other moms in the same boat (albeit sometimes smaller, but the same) and that our chaos is 1 of many and therefore less noticed by myself and others? It could very well be the quiet, proper manner with which seems to be the standard for the quilt sewing female employees of the fabric shop, who with every glance seem to silently speak, "silly woman, this is no place for children"? (I really haven't ever been treated badly at the fabric store. They have always been lovely and helpful. It is most likely my very own thoughts) And yet, despite all of this, I hold out hope and I go to the material store. 1 day either they or I will learn better, and there will be quieter more confident trips into fabric heaven. Trips where I actually leave having made a purchase!

Parksville

Every summer we head up to Parksville - we love it there. We were able to get up there this Saturday along with Mike, Julianne, Owen and Lyla. We played on the playground, we got wet in the water park, we enjoyed the beach, we even fit in a few games of tennis! And, as 1 just must, we ended the day off with ice cream cones! 

I feel so very blessed to live in this most beautiful place. I feel confusion at the fact that we feel something else may be awaiting our family. I feel that I should be contented and satisfied. But then I realize that I am not asking, seeking or even wanting something more, I am wanting something different. Maybe wanting is not even the right word. Maybe I am needing something else. Maybe there is something I need to learn somewhere other than here. 

We may or may not have a big move ahead of us, but 1 thing is for sure - no matter where life takes us, whether we stay and grow old here or find home on some other part of the world it will be an adventure I don't want to miss, and I am so grateful to be able to share it with Darren and all our mini's.