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Warning:

Proceed with caution. 

This post may contain information you don't want to or need to know, but that I would like to remember.

6 weeks.

That is all I have left.

IF I deliver on time that is.

This has been the looooooongest pregnancy of my life. I feel as though I have been expecting forever.
It could be due to the fact that this time around we spent more time in deliberation than ever before. As my 35th birthday approached (13 months ago) I felt the desire for a new baby. My husband was quite sure that it was simply my maternal clock ticking, and at moments so did I. I wanted a baby, but was I really ready for another child? I wasn't sure for the longest time and I did not necessarily have a willing companion. And since I was not prepared to proceed without full consent, I waited.

Then one day, six months later, he came to me and said that he too wanted another baby. And so it began.

Now having passed my 36th birthday, I feel as though it is time I was about finished with this process already. As my due date approaches, my symptoms increase. It is always hard, but this time has been the hardest. First and foremost, I am tired - beyond tired. I have never felt this way . . . ever! I am tired while sitting down. This, combined with nausea, headaches, dizziness, back pain, and aching legs from varicose and spider veins, has tested my endurance.

I have also never been so emotional in all my life. I feel like crying (and frequently do) for no reason at all. On the other hand I have never felt happier or more blessed! It is one crazy mix of emotions. Which, to his eternal credit, I must say that Darren is handling with positive perfection!

But now onto the fun stuff. I have been having the best time preparing for this baby! My children all thought I was crazy when at 3 months pregnant (as soon as I was able to be somewhat mobile) I began planning and decorating the nursery; beginning with  moving the boys out and into another room. I knew that it would take me the whole rest of my pregnancy to complete this project. I planned and began to prepare for a little boy, so sure was I. But according to my ultrasound, another little girl was on her way. I then removed the beginnings of what I had already started for our son and started from scratch in the planning department. I have been sewing and decorating and ever so slowly working away to create a nursery for this baby. As more children have come to us and as our house has filled up, our last 2 babies have slept in our closet (which happens to be almost bigger than our 1st apartment). And we made due. This time, however, I wanted to have a real nursery, not because a baby cares, but because I do.

My goal was to put together this nursery as inexpensively as possible. We already had the dresser, the stool (Which is for Nya. She needs to be able to see her baby when she comes!), the bookshelf, the side table and some of the accessories, including the pillow forms. Darren cut out her initial from some MDF we had stored away, left over from past projects and a friend lent us the crib. We purchased a clock, the material for her bedding, the floor lamp, frames for the wall (which I filled with free artwork I found online, and some that I made myself - they will be hung around the room once the painting is complete), the diaper cart, crib sheets and a changing pad. The biggest item we purchased was the chair from Ikea. This is perhaps my favorite piece. It does not rock, but it is so very comfortable. We (the little kids and I) already use it all the time to read together in. All we have left to do is to finish painting the walls, otherwise we are ready and waiting for baby V.

  I will post more pictures once we are finished the painting - 

but just in case I don't get to it (which is entirely possible), here is what is finished so far.

  (Necklace made by Aunty Shannon)

stumbling blocks and stepping stones

Dear Lord remove my stumbling bocks. These are the words we long to utter and have answered right away. These are the wishes of my heart. Make clear my path and guide me along.

That morning we left was cold. I was chilled - chilled through flesh right to bone. The sky, grey and wet. Jackets and sweaters adorned our shoulders. We knew that we would some be able to shed these layers, but for the time they offered warmth and comfort, until such a time . .

The plane took off through rain and fog. It rose higher and higher until at last we passed through those dark clouds. And then it filled the entire sky right through the windows of the plane and into cold flesh. The sun - it is always there. This thought so obvious, yet never pondered. No matter the .... that loom over head, behind all of that, always, and forever, the sun shines on, never ceasing.

Life is filled with all sorts of days. Some are filled with blinding light, yet many are filled with sorrow, weakness and pain. Our job is to never lose sight of the sun and when at times it is lost from view we need remember it is still there and it with always burst through those clouds.

He is always there. We may be left to feel the chill for a time, but that does not mean that he is not there. Nothing dims the sun. It is all perspective. We need to learn how to rise above, reaching for that sun that will live our lives with light and hope and peace and joy. 

We walk forward on straight path heading forever forward, but this is not enough.



We must head upward as well.

We turn these stumbling blocks into stepping stones when we approach them in faith.

The choice is up to us. These hard things, these ugly trials, out tests of faith are the very things that become stpes up to heaven if we but view them with eyes eternal.

Our vision is cleared, our perspective is solidifided and as we arise we begin to discover that the sun always shines. It is constant ans strong, and always there even if we cannot see it. behind those

 clouds, up above those stumbling blocks it shines on, forever giving its warmth and brightness and light to all who will make the climb. 

a mother's intuition and a bouncing baby boy

Five out of five - those are pretty good odds. Never have I been wrong! I have known somehow, somewhere inside what each and every child I grew under my heart was going to be before any test or medical professional confirmed my feelings.

When I was expecting my first child they would not tell me whether the baby was a girl or a boy, but so confident was I that we decorated every inch of the nursery with the expectation of pigtails. As my due date approached, I had one moment of panic as I stood in her room and realized that I did not know for sure. What if our baby was a boy? Nevertheless, 10 days late, Noelle finally blessed our lives and started our family with a much anticipated daughter.