When I woke up this morning, one of my first thoughts was that it was New Year's Eve. This is suppose to be a big deal right? Not around here. I think the days of ringing in the new year died when our first child was born. EVERYTHING changed then. This thought then caused me to reflect upon the last decade of my life- Darren and I (with no shortage of help from The Lord) brought our 5 children into the world. That in itself, is an awesome feat (considering especially that it is no easy task for me). Our family is complete! Isn't this the day I have been waiting for? We can start living now, right? It is a funny thing- to think that I need to wait for a certain event in order to start living fully. For some of you I know, you are already super fantastic at seizing the moment and you will not be able to relate to what I am saying at all, but this is not for you, it is for me and maybe the few who can relate. I have, of course enjoyed my life so far, but there was always the expectation of another baby and with that comes a natural change, therefore a new game plan. To accept the fact that I will never hold a brand new baby of my own in my arms is a hard thing for me-physically I do, emotionally is where it is tough. But it will eventually have to be accepted....... and with wonder I enter a new decade with my family of 7!
What I wish for the VERY most in my life is balance. Balance is needed in ALL things. Whenever I hear this word, it is always accompanied by an eye roll and a click of my tongue. Balance....... it is a beautiful, peaceful thought, but is it really possible? It must be possible, just as being perfect IS possible, if we are asked to attain it. Maybe if I look at it that way; that it is not something that I will fully achieve tomorrow or even next year, but piece by piece, only then will I be able to belief that I can actually experience any kind of consistent balance in my life.
Forgetting all the mindless activities that vie for our time and attention, there is no shortage of good things left in the world to do. How do we fit them all in? There is no way. So then, how do we choose what will be most beneficial for our lives?
I want to live with purpose, I want to do something great with my life. How grateful I am that I have a whole new decade in front of me to do better, to live more fully, to choose to enjoy more moments, and I hope that God's grace will fill in where I lack (and is it too much to hope for that my children will forget the sometimes too often grumpy mom and remember my more fantastic moments?)
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010
