Nya, 4 months old and getting some fresh air.
Don't Touch The Peanuts!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Potty training with Tate is going better now that we have removed all garments from his bottom half. He can sense better and he feels more inclined to use the toilet without anything covering his bottom. But, of course, this opens up a whole new can of challenges. First of which being that he is always exposed, fine while at home and as long as he doesn't sit on anything, ya right and second, he is a boy and like most boys he does have a very strong magnetic force pulling his hands towards himself. We use the correct terminology with the children and we are constantly asking him to not touch himself. Just today Tate came up to me and said," I not touch my peanuts, mom!" Peanuts have taken on a whole new meaning around here. I wonder if Tate will think twice the next time he is offered some peanuts.
Home School
Well, we finally did it. The kids have been out of the public school system for about a month now. It took an incident at school to force my hand and yet in retrospect I needed something like that to happen. I don't know if I would ever have been brave enough. I have always loved the idea and wanted to do this with my family, but quite honestly I have never felt smart enough, good enough, patient enough, strong enough, it was never the right time, I was never ready. It took a GREAT leap of faith for me to do this, the process was 4 1/2 years in the making and I could always justify putting it off. I know that this is right for my family, others may have a different path, but this is the way we are to go. I know it. I feel it everyday more and more. The choice was so hard because I was so scared. Once we made the choice, then came the peace that I had so desired before. Now that the choice is made, there is no going back. I can't believe that it took me so long. Every time I drive past the school I am so glad to be on this end of things, not because something so terrible happened but because I knew that I was not living true to myself. You can only go on like that for so long. When you know that there is something you should be or want to be doing and you don't do it for whatever reason, the choice seems to get harder and harder to make and you can feel it inside. Self- deception. And Although I am still scared, there are a few things that I have learned in the beginning of this adventure.
First of all, I had to ask myself, do I care more about my children or what other people think? Are you crazy is usually the first thing that people say or at least think when they are informed about our decision. I am sad to say that there have been moments when I cared more about how I looked in the sight of others. I want to be an inspiration and a mentor to my children and not a model of pop culture to those around me and I know that through this process I will find those who believe in and will support our choice. I have also been surprised to find that many do think that this is such a great venture. From mothers whose children are already raised, to the people Darren meets at work, to those who have not yet entered their children into the public school system, to past teachers.
Second, I was fearful that I am not smart enough to home school my kids. That someday they would discover that I had no idea what I was doing and that they are in fact smarter that I am. A friend who has been helping me along this path said to me, " We don't always know what we are doing in life, we have kids don't we?" There was a time (prechildren) that I thought I knew it all and mothering was going to be so easy as long as I did everything right ( are you laughing yet). Since then I have been humbled sufficiently. But I am not preventing it from stopping me or quitting in the middle of raising children. You just take one step at a time and hope in faith that you are doing something right, seek for inspiration and pray that Heavenly Father fills in the blanks. He gave me these children, that alone qualifies me to be the best teacher for them.
Third, "I wish I could do that, but I just can't". I have realized in saying that that I have actually been saying that the idea is nice, but I just don't want to do the work involved. I have come to believe that I can do anything that I want to do!
Forth, The other day I was out with all 5 kids by myself, the kids were well enough behaved, but still children filled with energy and excitement. I felt a little like there were those looking at me and judging. This is not the first time I have ever felt this way, but in this case a thought entered my mind that never has before, I'm not finished yet. Meaning, come back in 20 years and judge me and my children then, when I have finished the job, don't judge me in the middle of my life's work.
Fifth, is there anything that I don't know that I can't learn? The answer of course is no That is the hard part, to be the person I want my children to become.
Sixth, I thought that learning happened at school and life happened after hours. I have since dicovered that learning happens all day, everyday and how much more fun it is to learn while living. Sometimes it only takes a few extra words, a couple more minutes to turn something very ordinary into something of lasting value.
So far this has been pretty much what I had expected. I am loving it, I am sooooooooooo tired at the end of the day, as there is no down time, I want to pull my hair out sometimes, I feel like crying the next, sometimes from exhaustion, sometimes from the joy I am finding in my children. The one thing that has surprised me the very most though is that more than ever I feel like I don't have enough time with the children to teach them all I want to teach them. The days are flying by faster than while they were at school. I thought the days would seem longer with them here. I am so grateful for the inspiration that Darren and I have always felt and the baby steps that we have taken in order to get here. I am grateful for the peace I feel in knowing that this is right for us and I am grateful that I have the chance to be stretched farther that I ever thought I could be without breaking. So far I am the one doing all the learning. I pray that I will be able to become the person that God sees in me and for the part that this plays in that, I am grateful.
First of all, I had to ask myself, do I care more about my children or what other people think? Are you crazy is usually the first thing that people say or at least think when they are informed about our decision. I am sad to say that there have been moments when I cared more about how I looked in the sight of others. I want to be an inspiration and a mentor to my children and not a model of pop culture to those around me and I know that through this process I will find those who believe in and will support our choice. I have also been surprised to find that many do think that this is such a great venture. From mothers whose children are already raised, to the people Darren meets at work, to those who have not yet entered their children into the public school system, to past teachers.
Second, I was fearful that I am not smart enough to home school my kids. That someday they would discover that I had no idea what I was doing and that they are in fact smarter that I am. A friend who has been helping me along this path said to me, " We don't always know what we are doing in life, we have kids don't we?" There was a time (prechildren) that I thought I knew it all and mothering was going to be so easy as long as I did everything right ( are you laughing yet). Since then I have been humbled sufficiently. But I am not preventing it from stopping me or quitting in the middle of raising children. You just take one step at a time and hope in faith that you are doing something right, seek for inspiration and pray that Heavenly Father fills in the blanks. He gave me these children, that alone qualifies me to be the best teacher for them.
Third, "I wish I could do that, but I just can't". I have realized in saying that that I have actually been saying that the idea is nice, but I just don't want to do the work involved. I have come to believe that I can do anything that I want to do!
Forth, The other day I was out with all 5 kids by myself, the kids were well enough behaved, but still children filled with energy and excitement. I felt a little like there were those looking at me and judging. This is not the first time I have ever felt this way, but in this case a thought entered my mind that never has before, I'm not finished yet. Meaning, come back in 20 years and judge me and my children then, when I have finished the job, don't judge me in the middle of my life's work.
Fifth, is there anything that I don't know that I can't learn? The answer of course is no That is the hard part, to be the person I want my children to become.
Sixth, I thought that learning happened at school and life happened after hours. I have since dicovered that learning happens all day, everyday and how much more fun it is to learn while living. Sometimes it only takes a few extra words, a couple more minutes to turn something very ordinary into something of lasting value.
So far this has been pretty much what I had expected. I am loving it, I am sooooooooooo tired at the end of the day, as there is no down time, I want to pull my hair out sometimes, I feel like crying the next, sometimes from exhaustion, sometimes from the joy I am finding in my children. The one thing that has surprised me the very most though is that more than ever I feel like I don't have enough time with the children to teach them all I want to teach them. The days are flying by faster than while they were at school. I thought the days would seem longer with them here. I am so grateful for the inspiration that Darren and I have always felt and the baby steps that we have taken in order to get here. I am grateful for the peace I feel in knowing that this is right for us and I am grateful that I have the chance to be stretched farther that I ever thought I could be without breaking. So far I am the one doing all the learning. I pray that I will be able to become the person that God sees in me and for the part that this plays in that, I am grateful.