finding Christmas

finding Chirstmas

Christmas has come and gone, and like every one before I went into the season with an over-whelming desire to feel Christmas.

Every year I pray that I will be able to feel Christ in all the holiday celebrations. Above and beyond a rather general feeling of goodwill and love towards others I want to be reconciled with Him. To find Him, feel Him, in everything I do leading up to that day we honour His birth. Every year I expect something life changing to occur, some grand manifestation that I am celebrating this holiday for its true purpose. Nothing drastic ever happens, and I am left wondering. Why do I seem unable to find what I am looking for? I, once again, seem to be blinded by the trees as I search longingly for the forest. It is not a matter of Him not being there, it is a problem of perspective.

The tree comes down and decorations are packed away for another year.

I look back at the small and simple, and I see through the rearview mirror what searching eyes did not before.

This thought fills my mind, "I was there, always. Look again..."

He was there in the tin of goodies dropped off at our doorstep. He was there in the madness of dress-rehearsal. As the music rang through the night and people filled the stands, he was there. He was there as the rain poured and the show went on. He was there in the dust and dirt as hands and hearts served one in great need of help. He was there in the stillness of the softly falling snow, one perfect Christmas day. He was there in limbs too tired to go on, yet somehow they found strength. He was in the twilight sky blazing purple and pink. He was there on the floor as brothers played for hours. He was in the baking, and building, and boughs. He was there with those struggling to find the way. He was there in the face of the small child giving their heart-made gifts to those they love. He was there in the birth of a new baby. He was there in the sick beds of family members. He was in the turkey and the stockings. For where there is love He is. And where love falls short - too mortal and weak, yet is longed for, hoped for, asked for, in moments when love seems hard to find, by one aching to let got the hurt and pride and be filled beyond bounds, He is there. He can always be found.

This peace, this reconciliation is not something given gift wrapped in pretty paper. It is found in weary hands, in service, in the beautiful, the blessings, the ugly, the broken hearted, in everything, even pain. He is always there. As our hearts are stilled and our whispers float heavenward in humble prayer we invite Him in, we give away our sins and ask for forgiveness and strength and then........ we hope.

That was what was born that day. That was the gift given to all mankind. Hope.

Reconciliation comes.

He is not hard to find, if we stand where He stood. In humble mangers, with the sick and afflicted, with the weary and down-trodden, where there is service to perform and work to be done, where the most beautiful people are the ones with the softest hearts and shoulders to cry on, and in the hope for a brighter future.

I will endeavor to look with eyes wide open to the beautiful and half closed to the imperfect. I will seek Him in all I do, no matter how insignificant the task appears. I will find the beauty in the day, the sunshine through the clouds, the safety in the storm, the smile under the sadness, the treasures of this majestic world. I will find healing in the hurt and forgiveness in my heart, find friendship along the way, and opportunities to serve. I will find peace in tired bones, the bounty in the laundry, the blessings in the dishes, the abundance in the mess, the joy that is living and the delectation of finding the way, His way for me, to not only a holiday filled with reconciliation but a life, all the year long, for every one that I am given.

My word for this year is find.

the end of the beginning

I remember well a quilting frame as much a part of my grandmother's house as the sofa. One year for my birthday my parents took me up to my room and there, all set up and dressed in a quilt, handmade by my grandma, was a canopy bed. I felt like a princess!

She could also knit and crochet. While she was able, for my first 3 babies, she crocheted them each a blanket and knit them many a sweater. Now, four years after her passing, I would love nothing more than to sit by her side and learn all she knows. 

I have, for the last year and a half, been somewhere in the process of making quilts for my three girls. The beginning part was such fun. This is the choosing of the fabric! Next you prepare it by washing and drying it, and then comes the cutting. Since these were my first quilts I went with a simple square pattern. I then laid all the squares out on the floor and put together a plan. Not too much of one color next to the same, intersperse patterned pieces and plain (repeat this step after your little ones find such fun in walking through all your hard work, kicking squares and giggling up a storm). Then comes the sewing together of the squares. No matter how precisely I cut and regardless of all the time spent measuring, some corners just did not line up. I had to let this go. It was around this time that I simply lost steam. The quilt tops lay folded up in a tidy pile over the course of the next year. 

We have for the last few years been making the Christmas gifts we give to our children. Each November Darren and I decided what we want to make and get to work. The children have followed suit and now every Christmas it feels like Santa's workshop around here. We have too much fun, crafting and whispering, building and hiding for and from each other. 

As Darren and I talked about what to do for the 2 older girls, those quilt tops came back to my mind and I knew it was time to pull then out. They would make the perfect partner gift to our plan. So out came the tops and the safety pins. My sweet sister-in-law and I went to the church, taped quilts to the floor and for hours we pinned. 

Ready to sew tops, bottoms, and in-betweens together, I had grand ideas of hand-stitching each one. After a few hours of this I realized that as wonderful as that would be, if I wanted to get them done in time I would need to use the machine. So with a cute stitch I sewed and sewed and sewed - everything sandwiched together, ready for the final step.

I went to the fabric store to find the perfect binding. I do not recommend this. It can be quite a dangerous thing to do. You see after a year and a half of looking at the same fabric, one can get to the point of loathing. I fell in love with so many fabrics, none of which went with my quilts. I had visions of scrapping them and starting all over again. I could not find anything I liked that would go with what I had already chosen. So after an hour I walked out of the store empty handed. With one hope left I went across the street to the quilting shop. When the sweet lady quilter behind the counter asked if she could help I said, "Yes! Please! I need you to help me fall in love with my quilts again." Like only a grandmother could she told me to go and get my quilts from the van. Within 2 minutes I had the most perfect fabric, three of the most perfect fabrics, with which to bind (as all of the quilts are the same I wanted to bind each quilt with a different fabric for each girl). She did it. I fell out of loath and back into love, and I am happy to report that even though my little one was not changed out of her jammies all day I am finished. 

I like to imagine that my grandmother is pleased. I thought about her more than usual, every stitch of the way. I am now an official quilter, through and through, hooked for life. So even though she did not teach me to quilt, I imagine my love for the thing as come from her. Thank you Grandma.

The only problem really is that I neither have enough children nor beds for all the quilts I want to make!

Christmas morning 2011

 The kids slept until 7, and then we all got up and went downstairs. 

 Whenever we asked Nya what she wanted for Christmas she would reply, "pink lollipop". 

That is all she wanted. Santa delivered 3!

The boys asked for Lego from Santa, so I though we would give them something to hold their ever increasing collection. 

Darren and I designed and built these Lego boxes - they turned out better than I had imagined, and they tuck neatly under the bed!

For Nya I sewed a soft doll, with a sleeping bag, pillow, and extra outfits. 

When I had decided, back in October, that that is what I was going to make for her, 

I asked her what color hair she would pick for a doll - the answer was, of course, "pink!" 

I sewed each of my girls an apron as well. 

I first saw this design at a birthday party. Someone had sewn one for the birthday girl. 

I thought it was the cutest thing and I knew it would be perfect for my little bakers. 

The seamstress (one of the best I have ever met!)  had sewn velcro onto the side of the waist band. 

Instead of having to tie it up at the back, the kids can just wrap it around their waists and attach it themselves. Brilliant!

I made the girls a few felt bookmarks I saw on Pinterest. They were put to good use right away.

I also sewed the big girls a Christmas skirt, which I forgot to take a picture of. 

When we got home after church on Sunday, the kids were quick to change and resume the opening of presents. 

It wasn't until later that evening that I remembered I didn't get a picture of us all dressed in our new Christmas best.

I have a couple of sewing projects that I didn't get done in time for Christmas, for Noelle and Emma. 

I will continue to work away on those, but in the place of that gift the girls were given a gift certificate 

for a night out with mom, including dinner, and a trip to the movies. 

( I ran out of time, and was up until 11:30 Christmas Eve sewing, 

so although it doesn't quite classify as homemade, 

the certificate was, and they were THRILLED. 

Nothing could be more important than spending one on one time together, anyways.)

Now for my most favorites:

Besides what we made for the kids, they only got one other present from us, 

one gift for the boys to share and one for the girls. 

We weren't planning on buying anything other than what we had made for them, 

but one day while Darren was out he came across something that he knew the boys would love (I think mostly he loved it). 

Unbeknownst to him I had done the same thing. 

I was shopping for extended family when I came across something I just knew the girls would love (mostly I loved it). 

We laughed as we showed each other our finds, and couldn't wait to see the children's faces when they opened their gifts.

For the boys: A Lego Darth Vader alarm clock. 

He is about 8 inches high and can move his arms and legs and everything!

What Lego, Star Wars loving boy of 6 or 36 wouldn't love this?

For the girls, I found this elephant tea pot in Pots & Parafinalia (Julianne's new place of employment).

When I saw this I knew it would be the perfect gift for my 'everyday is a tea party' daughters. 

They loved it every bit as much as I did, and as much as I knew they would.

We had a fantastic bright and sunny, no snow in sight, green Christmas (I missed the snow). 

Darren completely surprised me with a few gifts. 

The kids were spoiled by Santa and family.

We loved being with some family, missed being with others. 

We enjoyed going to church. 

And to top it all off we had the privilege to share Christmas dinner with the Moore family.

(Thank you for the pillow, Debra. I love it!)

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2011

from us to you

To all family and friends, we want to wish you a very merry Christmas.

And to our missionary friends around the world....

this week.....

we got a package from my parents in the mail. It contained Christmas cards for the kids and this years ornament. Since moving away my mom has made a really big effort to send the kids cards - for Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas, ect. This means so very much to them. They save every card! Thank you, also, Mom and Dad for the birthday cards. I got two - one from my mom and another one especially from my dad! I am missing my parents this time of year, and wishing we could have our annual girls day at the mall.

Auntie Shannon let Santa know that we needed an elf at our house, and so a couple of weeks ago we had a new little guest come to stay with us for the holiday season. Nya was not too sure about him, and refused to go into the living room where he sat. After a couple of days, and seeing pictures of her cousin, Aubrey, with her little elf, Nya warmed to the idea. I asked her what we should name him and she insisted upon Sheep. So here he stays, taking advantage of the many holes we still have in our drywall since getting pot lights installed last summer! The kids are actually super excited about him. Every morning I will awake to Tate asking me if he can show me where the elf is now! 

My Christmas mantel this year is super simple. I didn't go and gather greenery to make fresh boughs. Normally I clip behind my parents house, but since they moved I didn't have in in my heart to go. Maybe next year. But thanks to Debra who was in a purging mood, the mantel got a facelift at least. Thank you, Debra. I LOVE the believe sign, and the black star got a coat of red paint and now my pretty bland mantel is all ready for Christmas. And..........

after 8 months I FINALLY painted my board and applied the vinyl (cut by Debra) for our family affirmations. It makes me smile every time I walk past! It has been WAY too long since I have done anything creative. I need to get back at it.

My boys have such fun with their hair. Every morning they think up some new animal they resemble. One morning this week it was a great horned owl. About 30 minutes later Bergen was relieved of his horns, via the hair clippers!

Noelle is continuing to cook up a storm! She loves it, and so do the other children. She declared one day that she wanted to open her own bakery and name it 'The Baker Bee'. She would greet her customers with, "Welcome to the hive. How may we help you?" I, for one, think this is a fantastic idea. I will be your first customer, Noelle!

You would think that Nya would never be in need of a playmate, but the other day I found her playing Connect Four with a Webkinz. She would lift his paw and have him play his piece when it was his turn. Too cute!

cedar boughs

We had the opportunity to go down to Sidney yesterday and visit with our friends the Schafers.
The kids played, while the moms made wreaths. I had no plans of making a wreath this year, not because I didn't want to, simply because my list is long.
I am so grateful that a hedge needed trimming, and a friend made a phone call. Thank you Kirsten. I love you.
I thought I might add other things to my wreath when I it got home, but I hung it on the door straight away to keep it safe, and decided that I like it just the way it is.

First Presidency Christmas Devotional

This is one of my most favorite nights of the Christmas season. Every year I pray that I will feel the spirit of Christmas, and every year I struggle to, even though I promise myself that we will take it slower and enjoy this holiday.
Until this night.
This night focuses me on what is truly important. This night reminds me of all the things I already know, but lose in the fog of this busy time of year. I am so very grateful for revelation from God spoken to his children through his servants.

"We like the wise men of old, should seek the Christ and lay before him the most precious of gifts, a broken heart and a contrite spirit. We should offer him our love. We should give him our willingness to take upon ourselves His name and walk in the path of discipleship. We should promise to remember him always, to emulate his example, and to go about doing good. We cannot offer him the gift of perfection in all things, because this is a gift that is beyond our capacity to give, at least for now. The Lord does not expect that we commit to move mountains, but He does require that we bring as gifts our best efforts to move ourselves one foot in front of the other, walking in the ways He has prepared and taught.
And what are the Savior's gifts to those who are willing to bring these gifts to Him? This may be the most one sided gift exchange in the history of the universe. The Savior's gifts to us are breathtaking. Let us begin with immortality. Because the Savior overcame death, all men and women, the just and the unjust, will live forever. Then forgiveness. Even though our sins and imperfections be as scarlet, they can become white as snow because of Him. He is our Savior. And finally eternal life, the greatest gift of all. Because of the atonement of Christ not only are we guaranteed an infinite quantity of life, but He offers the possibility of an unimaginable quality of life as well."
"He promises to be with us, to come to us when we need comfort, to lift us when we stumble, to carry us if needed, mourn and rejoice with us everyday. He offers to take us by the hand and help transform ordinary life into extra-ordinary spiritual experiences. The hallowed Christmas season can and should be one to recommit to keep the fire of the spirit and the glory of the Son of God burning in our hearts everyday throughout the year."
"May we always remember to bring gifts to Him who has given his all for us. May we always remember and be grateful that in the birth of that child the universe rejoiced, and may each Christmas season remind us to lift up our voices and fill up our hearts with joy and gratitude that Christ the king has come."
                                                                                                               President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

On a side note - we baked cookies and drank holiday tea as we watched. I found these chocolate chips while grocery shopping. I was informed last night that they are SUPER yummy!

from mother to daughter

Every year we buy a new Christmas tree ornament for each of our children. This tradition began with my grandma Spalla, my mom's mom, and my mom has continued this on with me. The first ornament she bought for me was on November 26, 1997. It was purchased in the gift shop aboard one the BC ferries, as we all traveled home just hours after Darren and I had been married. We didn't even have a tree, but I carefully packed it away for the future. Since that first year of marriage my mom has added something special to my collection. 

I now share this tradition with my children. Every year, as we open our boxes of decorations and unwrap each one, I hear the children's excitement as they show one another their ornaments and remember all the years past. Each one is lovingly and thoughtfully placed on our tree. This year several of the kids have designated a 'section' of tree for all their ornaments. Not only is our tree filling up with ornaments, but with so many special memories as well!

(BC Ferries moose - Christmas 1997)

25 days to go...

the most wonderful time of the year

38 days until Christmas! Did you know? If not my children will be sure to tell you! The asking starts well before Halloween and doesn't stop until we have made a paper chain to count down to the 25th of December. Even then they will ask, just to make sure that they are on the right link.

We are having a homemade Christmas again this year. First of all I must say, before you read any further, I DO NOT think that there is anything wrong with buying presents, nothing at all. I do not believe that making gifts is the best or only way of celebrating this holiday, we just happen to love doing it. So, we do! I love finding the perfect project that will be just right for each individual child and the satisfaction of the end product. I love that my kids will peruse though craft books instead of catalogs to decide what they are going to give each other. I am grateful for the feeling it brings into our home. I do believe that Christmas can still be magical without turning commercial, and for our family this works. Therefore we have been busy with all manner of sewing and crafting, knitting and woodworking, in order to be ready in time.

I do worry whether they will actually like the gifts we make or whether they will think they are lame and secretly hold out hope that they will find some shiny new package of the mass produced variety with their name on it under the tree. If that is the case, being the nice kids they are, they will tell me they love it anyways, discard my gifts on the sidelines and hunt for something packaged, held in place with a million twist ties and tiny rubber bands. Good thing for them, even though we are going homemade, Santa always delivers!

I wish I could show you some of the things we have been working on, but that will have to wait until after December 25th, as my children read my blog regularly. A funny thing that is - they live here, everyday, with me. They know everything that is going on. They are usually the topic of said posts, and yet they read.

I can however show you this. She knits and knits and knits, and I LOVE watching her do it!

Happy Christmas preparations!

Christmas 2010

Christmas Crafts

A few of us girls got together and we made these cute Christmas plaques - some as gifts and some for our homes.

Thanks to Debra who owns a vinyl cutter, we have been having a little too much fun 

sticking letters and numbers to things! 

A Warm Welcome