about a boy

12 years ago I grew a boy under my heart. And in that heart I knew he was just that, a son. The day he was born my world changed and my soul opened in ways I never knew possible. That same heart that had been captured by my husband, and filled up with our daughter, was stolen clean away by a boy.

As that baby has grown into boy and boy begins his journey into manhood, hugs become fewer and farther between. His circle is small and his bubble tight. He will daily accept but not often offer. I wonder if he knows how much of my heart he holds. I wish him to know that I am there for him, always.

And then while in front of friends he comes up to me, his momma, and squishes in next to me, two parts into one chair - my heart beats within my chest to bursting. My soul is filled with unspeakable joy. He. loves. me.

When he sees me from across a room, where he did not expect to find me, his eyes catch mine and a wide smile fills his face, and I know this boy loves me. He needs me, and I him.

Late at night, with few words spoken, he just wants me there - to rub his back or read him a book. And I know that I am loved.

It is in these moments I must fill up that hole he left behind when he stole my heart away, with the love that he offers, in any way he will.

cabbage patch and kids

We have been purging like mad around here, attempting to regain some order. We have never lived in a house for more than 2 years, upgrading to this house. We have been here for 6 years now! I know that is not long in the grand scheme of things, but for us that is enough time to have filled every corner, every closet, and each square inch of storage space with stuff. Things are beginning to spill and spread....everywhere. I was dejunking the backyard, and I was able to get rid of all the broken, unused, and out-grown kids toys (that felt SO good!). I also went through all my old garden pots and ended up giving most of them away. I only kept a couple. I haven't filled pots in years. But since we are fixing up the front of the house -staining and painting and adding trim, I thought I would buy plants for my pots to put on the front porch.
So off I went to the Nursery today. I had some specific flowers in mind - which they didn't have. And then I saw these -

 Ornamental cabbage. 

I remember the first time I ever saw these plants. I was NOT a fan.
Why would one put vegetables (even ornamental) in pots at their front door?

But today.... today I kind of liked them.

I thought that they would be just the thing.

Now the real test - if they are still there in the morning!

Those deer, I may kick myself for buying them, while they thank me for the tasty treat.

 I am finished this front area - staining, and repainting the trim. 

So much house to go yet.

But shingle by shingle we must finish before the wet weather comes. 

Oh, and this. 

This is my door bell. 

It was one of the very first things I noticed when we came to view this house 

and I have loved it every day since. 

Can one actually be in love with their door bell? 

Well I am.

I am sure you don't care, but there it is, nevertheless.

And while I worked away on the house, the boys did this:

 Over and over, down the hill. 

It made me laugh.

Reminded me a very large amount of a biker and his babe.

(I love Bergen's face in the first picture)

11

Birthday mornings around here are pretty exciting stuff. The house is always filled with the smell of cinnamon, as the birthday child will undoubtedly request a 'breakfast cake'. This is a Swedish recipe that Darren brought back with him after his 2 years there. Served warm with milk on top, it is the yummiest thing! 

 Breakfast was served with a side of Star Wars (new figures the kids gave him). 

Every time we would go into Winners, Bergen would ask me to buy him this globe. 

Every time we left without it, until one day, as his birthday approached, 

I put it on hold while he looked at the toys and had Darren go back and buy it later. 

He was so excited. He quickly awarded it a place of honor on his dresser, 

where he keeps all his most special things (including dead bugs and Lego creations).

  The morning wouldn't be complete without a battle. 

As a mother I wonder if it is quite unladylike to let my 3 year old daughter wield a light saber, 

but the fencer in me is oh so proud!

Bergen ended his day playing street hockey with the "men" from church. He was so excited to be able to go. 

I was told by one very proud dad that Bergen scored 2 goals and one assist.

All in all, I was informed by the birthday boy himself that it was one very great day!

Bergen, 

I want you to know just how grateful I am for you. You are a very serious little guy. You think about things and you feel deeply. Sometimes you need to be told that everything is okay and to relax and smile, but when I hear you laugh it is all the more rewarding. You find humor in the most interesting of situations, and I cannot help but giggle. You love your little sister and care for her, always - even when she is being true to 3 and screaming to get her way. You never stop your offers for piggy-backs. You are always quick to pick up your light saber and let her have her way with you. Thank you for all you teach me. 

Love. Mom

this week.....

we got a package from my parents in the mail. It contained Christmas cards for the kids and this years ornament. Since moving away my mom has made a really big effort to send the kids cards - for Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas, ect. This means so very much to them. They save every card! Thank you, also, Mom and Dad for the birthday cards. I got two - one from my mom and another one especially from my dad! I am missing my parents this time of year, and wishing we could have our annual girls day at the mall.

Auntie Shannon let Santa know that we needed an elf at our house, and so a couple of weeks ago we had a new little guest come to stay with us for the holiday season. Nya was not too sure about him, and refused to go into the living room where he sat. After a couple of days, and seeing pictures of her cousin, Aubrey, with her little elf, Nya warmed to the idea. I asked her what we should name him and she insisted upon Sheep. So here he stays, taking advantage of the many holes we still have in our drywall since getting pot lights installed last summer! The kids are actually super excited about him. Every morning I will awake to Tate asking me if he can show me where the elf is now! 

My Christmas mantel this year is super simple. I didn't go and gather greenery to make fresh boughs. Normally I clip behind my parents house, but since they moved I didn't have in in my heart to go. Maybe next year. But thanks to Debra who was in a purging mood, the mantel got a facelift at least. Thank you, Debra. I LOVE the believe sign, and the black star got a coat of red paint and now my pretty bland mantel is all ready for Christmas. And..........

after 8 months I FINALLY painted my board and applied the vinyl (cut by Debra) for our family affirmations. It makes me smile every time I walk past! It has been WAY too long since I have done anything creative. I need to get back at it.

My boys have such fun with their hair. Every morning they think up some new animal they resemble. One morning this week it was a great horned owl. About 30 minutes later Bergen was relieved of his horns, via the hair clippers!

Noelle is continuing to cook up a storm! She loves it, and so do the other children. She declared one day that she wanted to open her own bakery and name it 'The Baker Bee'. She would greet her customers with, "Welcome to the hive. How may we help you?" I, for one, think this is a fantastic idea. I will be your first customer, Noelle!

You would think that Nya would never be in need of a playmate, but the other day I found her playing Connect Four with a Webkinz. She would lift his paw and have him play his piece when it was his turn. Too cute!

tea for two

Today as I was cleaning the bathrooms, Bergen was helping me bathe Nya.
He sat on the edge of the tub and took every single one of her commands, with a smile even!
The following conversation ensued:
Me: "Girls sure can be bossy, can't they?"
Berg: "YES!"
Me: "Sometimes the smaller they are, the bossier they can be."
Berg: "Ya, and they scream if they don't get their way, and who wants to listen to that?!"
Me: "You do what works!"

mud pie

I came home from a meeting today to find the back door open and cold air pouring in. The girls had been with me, Nya was still napping, Tate was in the house playing, and Darren was in the front yard. But I knew, even before I discovered everybody's whereabouts that Bergen was the reason for the open door. I went outside to see what he was up to and found one muddy little man. He had been collecting worms. There were at least 100 in that bottle! I don't know where he found them all, or what he is going to do with them, but as far as worms go it was pretty impressive!

You should have seen the bathroom when he was finished washing up. He came out clean, but the sink didn't fare quite so well.

a very merry unbirthday to you

Bergen is a night owl. He always has been. He is not big on communication during the day, but when we get time together alone at night, after everyone else is down, he begins to open up. I have discovered that this is not something I can force, as much I want to know what he is thinking, and how he is doing. I must wait for him to speak, and it is usually under the cover of nightfall as he is buried in our bed. Last night as we were reading together we started to talk about his birthday. He wanted to know just how much longer he had to go until then. I realized that it was exactly six months until his birthday! Making it, of course, his half birthday! When I excitedly told him this he looked at me a little funny and asked just what a half birthday is. We don't make it a habit of celebrating such a thing on a regular basis, but I thought under the circumstances that we should. And celebrate we did!

 with these cookies,

  and this book.

We even had some honorary guests.

 Bergen ate and designed lightsabers while I read and soaked up every minute with my 10 and one perfectly half year old son.

the heart of a child

Last night on the way to Cubs, right out of the blue, Bergen said, "mom, I like hearing you and dad talk. I get to hear what happened at work, and sometimes I hear about some fun things you are planning........ and I get to hear funny stories about things that happened in your day (in your day! cute or what - I have 'a day!'). I could tell that this was one of those moments that needed to be handled with extreme caution - I needed to be very careful in my reception. Not too gushy that he would not want to share something like that again. Not not lightly that he would feel unheard. These thoughts were coming straight from his heart, so very sincerely. This is one of those gifts given to parents, usually few and far between, but just when it is needed most, to let a mother know that everything is alright - that children are feeling loved, that marriage and family is such an amazing blessing, that I can do this and give my children what they need. The rest of the trip was driven in silence. But I sat there filled with hope. My heart felt like bursting out of my chest and I could not help but smile. My son, my 10 year old son, finds connection and comfort in the words and voices of his parents. How was I to know that as we connect as a couple, not only is the bond between husband and wife being strengthened but our ties to our children as well. I hope I will  always remember just how much we hold the hearts of our children in our hands.

The Men in my Life: Of Like Mind

The apples from his tree - they didn't fall very far.

They're just like him!

birthday bugs

Last Saturday we went to the Victoria Bug Zoo as a family to celebrate Bergen's 10th birthday. This is all he wanted to do. As much as I don't prefer bugs in real life, (I like to pretend that I am tough and that I am really not afraid of bugs in the hopes that my children will learn that there is nothing to be afraid of. I can keep my cool...... until they touch me unexpectedly - then I scream and dance around until I am sure it is off, feeling for the remainder of the day that I still have bugs crawling on me) with a good glass case between them and myself I am all for it!! This place is fascinating. 

Nya meets Pinky, the tarantula!

 Emma going in for a close-up.

 Nya held out her hands to touch every single bug - most of them bigger than her hand.

 And just before the batteries died in both of the cameras we brought with us I was able to get this picture of Bergen. 

He is the only 1 of the kids that would brave the millipede on his face!

Bergen, You came to me 10 years ago as the best Mother's Day present I have ever received. I love your energy. I love your laugh. You are such an amazing son. You are such a talented person. I am in awe of watching you grow and seeing your many talents develop. You are so dear to me. Thank you for your late night hugs. Thank you for being my son. Happy birthday, love mom

a spring surf

Darren &Bergen 04-05-2011