Reflections: September 2012

Sunday, September 16, 2012

It has yet to begin around here.
I have spent the last week up a ladder with brush in hand. We are so close to finishing staining the house. 

Noelle - Grade 7

I see my 12 year old daughter changing in more ways than one, growing, right before my eyes. And yet she is still so little, innocent and sweet. I watch her struggle through adolescence, and I struggle too. But I also see such grace and wisdom in her I only wish I had when I was her age. Boys? They are just around the corner I can see it in their eyes and hers. I want to post a note on her back telling them to stay away. I want to close her heart and her hormones to the wacky world of BOYS! But time marches on, and instead I must teach her to always remember, in every aspect of her life that, first and foremost, she is a daughter of God - Never forgetting this.

Bergen - Grade 6

I have a son who is busier than ever. Books are fun adventures - finally! He is becoming a guy who wants to do guy things. No more building wooden train sets, onto building bike jumps. Girls? Still gross! I want to wrap him in a bubble. I want to tell him that is cool to hug your mom. I want to rock him in my arms as a new little baby. But I also want to watch in wonder as boy turns into man, for what a man he'll make!

Emma - Grade 4

My 9 year old, as silly as ever. Just where she should be. Doesn't care one wit what anyone thinks of her. Passionate and fierce when she needs to be. Loves learning. A lover of people, a big help to her wee sister. Her ginger hair reminding me with just one glance over the top of her latest book just how very unique she is.

Tate - Grade 1

This boy is the sweet little kiss in the corner of his mom's smile. He is his dad's shadow, thinks him the best human in the world! Everything is exciting. His goal this year - learn to read! Dirty, everyday. Rough and tumble. But his mom still has his heart for now. I miss his shorn locks.

And Nya...

...who changes her clothes at least 4 times a day. Wherever I am, there she will be - right on my heels. At the end of the day, when I want nothing more than for Darren to take her and give me a little bit of breathing room, he tells me that some day I will miss this. He is right. I know I will. I am the bee's knees when it comes to that 3 year old. She is every good thing (as well as all the bad) a little princess should be!

I had quite a beautiful talk with my sister-in-law, Tracey the other day. I called her in need of hearing someone tell me that was not a bad mother for feeling like I needed to run away from home for a couple of hours. She did just that and more. I chatted - she listened, and advised. She loved me through all my tears. She told me that she would still love me, always and forever, no matter how I chose to school my children. It made me wonder. What do I want to do? This home-schooling thing is hard, maybe not for everyone who does it, but for me and my 5 children, it is. I will never deny it. Has my life changed? Is this still what we all want to do?

As the day went on and life came back together to resemble some sort of normal, I realized just how happy and grateful I am to be able to have my children home with me everyday.

We walked on the beach and picked blackberries, warmed by the late afternoon sun, ripe to perfection, and I realized just how much my life is like those vines.

To get those berries, you will have to pay the price. 

You will get scratched and poked. You must stretch and reach. Painstakingly you must pick berry after berry, and fill that bucket. Until the time comes when you have enough to take home and turn into a pie, or sticky jam. After the work and the effort, the turmoil and the affliction comes the sweetness of your labours. You, too, realize it is not all bad. There are many berries, just as their are days, that are right within our grasp, sometimes there is no struggle. I must take them both. I must fill my bucket any way I can. I must be grateful for those days that come and go with ease, and for those that teach me of the frailty of humanity - that this life is a time to be tried.

This is what I want to do. This is just where I want to be. And for the love and support of Tracey, and everyone else who extends their hearts to me, I am grateful. 

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