wallow in abundance

Thursday, February 16, 2012

The other day as I was talking with some friends, the subject of mothering came up, as it always seems to do. As I listened I began to question my approach to parenting. Thoughts like, Should I be....? Maybe I should try..... Maybe I shouldn't do..... went through my mind. I wondered about my parenting and if I was doing enough, if I was doing it right. These thoughts stayed with me over the next few days and I was acutely aware of all my weaknesses and I measured myself with the strengths of these other women.  What happened? I was perfectly fine swimming in my little puddle until my eyes were opened to the pond across the fence! Some days feel long and unproductive. Too often I feel discouraged and unsuccessful. These are the days when inspiration has turned to comparison. When I am inspired by someone I admire, my spirit feels light. I want to do better and be better, not so that I excel over another, but because I have a sincere desire to offer more of myself in an effort to be the best I can be. But there are other kinds of days - days when I feel unimportant, unnoticed, unattractive, unloveable - these are the weak moments when that voice of discouragement enters into my mind and I do not have the strength to kick it out. The contrast is stark. My spirit feels heavy and anxious. These are the moments I need to pause and reflect - Am I living in grace?

" I believe that most people are aware of periods in their lives when they seem to be "in grace" and other periods when they feel "out of grace," even though they may use different words to describe these states. In the first happy condition, one seems to carry all one's tasks before one lightly, as if borne along on a great tide; and in the opposite state one can hardly tie a shoe-string. It is true that a large part of life consists in learning a technique of tying the shoe-string, whether one is in grace or not. But there are techniques of living too; there are even techniques in the search for grace. And techniques can be cultivated. I would like to achieve a state of inner spiritual grace from which I could function and give as I was meant to in the eye of God." (Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindberg)

To function and give as I was meant to. We are each unique and individual. There is no one right way to parent. There are values I hold important, things I stand firm in and other areas in which I flex. My job is to figure it out and follow my heart. Just because something is right for someone else and their family does not mean that it is right for us. It also does not mean that I am doing something wrong, or, most importantly, that I am less of a mother.

I am not 'her' I am me - mother to Noelle, Bergen, Emma, Tate and Nya. I let go of the comparison. It falls heavy from my hand, and I am glad to see it go. I do not want to carry its weight anymore. I will chose inspiration over comparison. I will remember who I am, and that I have much good to offer. I will be happy in my puddle, for it is mine, and it is where I am suppose to be. I will be inspired by those I love and admire. I will learn all I can, and make changes for the better. And I will not compare. After-all....

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